Ralf sinks his cash into Slovenian sex shops

[sydude]

from PlanetF1.com

Monday November 29 2004

While it's not uncommon for F1 drivers to involve themselves in business activities outside F1, Ralf Schumacher's latest venture is a new one for the paddock - an erotic firm.


The German, who'll be racing for Toyota in 2005, has teamed up with a subsidiary of Beate Uhse, a German erotic products company.


Ralf is set to invest $2.6 million next year, which will be used to set up eight shops in Slovenia.


"For me, it's just like any other investment," he told Bild newspaper.


"I've entered as a silent partner."


Beate Uhse, which is Europe's leading sex store chain, sells more than 10,000 products, which range from erotic films to sex toys to racy lingerie.

[dalyduo]

1.) You'd think being an F1 driver he wouldn't need to pay for that kind of thing...

2.) Once again Ralf takes the directive of his brother Michael to "Do whatever it takes to be faster" in an unexpected direction.

3.) The question is whether he's a "silent partner" while sampling the products.

4.) Press Release: Because of the obvious tie-in of having a red car for erotic marketing purposes, Ralf Schumacher is in negotiations to pay a considerably larger sum to brother Michael for his endorsement as the driver of the Big Red Throbbing Tingly and Engorged Beate Uhse Ferrari.

Their new marketing slogan will be... "If you can't beat us... Beate Uhse!"

Clear, colored and ribbed latex lubricated car covers are already in production with Trojan inked as sponsors.

[sydude]

Pat, great stuff!

Here's more from Planet F1:

Schumacher's Love Aids

Tuesday November 30 2004

It's a title you probably thought you'd never see on Planet-F1. But after Ralf's new business venture hit the headlines this week we can reveal how Schu Junior is going to combine his two loves...


You couldn’t make it up, could you. If the story was in the News of the World or the Daily Star you might have thought twice, but the fact it was reported in respected German newspaper Bild…


Ralf Schumacher has supposedly admitted to investing $2.6million into the expansion of Germany’s biggest sex shop. His money, it’s reported, will go into eight new stores in Slovenia. Of course there’ll be lots of fancy labels put on it – maybe, “erotic retailing” or “adult fantasy fulfilment” but basically it’s what everyone knows as a sex shop.


It’s a bit like David Coulthard announcing that he’s selling his Columbus Hotel and opening eight branches of Ann Summers.


This makes Ralf Schumacher F1’s very own porn king. And the next thought is: What’s he going to be giving Michael for Christmas? etc etc


But perhaps Ralf is planning on making a connection between F1 and his erotic retailing. There have been attempts at linking these predominantly male-oriented sports in the past. At the Hungarian GP a few years ago there was an attempt at “erotic camping” described by some as “Hungarian hookers in tents”.


We thought we'd give Ralf some ideas for products that tie in his two careers.


If you are under 18 please stop reading now.


The Jenson Button Sex Manual
There are lots of sex manuals on the market, but this one is for caring male lovers who want to pleasure the women in their life. Who better to front this kind of product than Jenson, who’s exceptionally good at coming second.


Fernando Alonso Comedy Headgear
Women love guys who can make them laugh in bed and what better way to get a laydee in the mood than with some comedy bandanas as worn by Fernando Alonso.


One For The Laydees
The Fisi blow-up doll. He’s good-looking, life-size (not very tall, so not much blowing up required) and when you press him he says: “I am very ‘appy”


Pills Ointments and Gels - The Flav
It's a supersexy pill that makes you exceptionally attractive to the opposite sex, with thirty-something (no, seriously) good lucks. It also makes you incredibly horny at the same time; a mixture of Viagra, hallucinogen and perma tan enhancer.
Pop one of these little babies and you’ll believe you’re both supersexy and capable of running an F1 team.


A David Coulthard Teaser
What a tease! This fluffy little device is always promising, but never delivering


The Takuma Sato Condom
After all of Taku's off-track excursions, this one’s a rough rider.


X-rated
You may have heard of nipple rings, **** rings, well Ralf’s gone one better and devised his own little piece of jewellery for an obscure place. The A1-Ring. Don’t ask where you stick it, it’s nowhere near Zeltweg.


The FIA “Obey Me”  – Bondage Kit.
Yes, dress up in a ginger wig, leather thong and lash out at anyone to make them bend to your will. Take it to the Max with the Mosley “Obey Me” enslaving handcuffs and chain

[sydude]

An abrupt end to Ralf's erotic business plans

Friday December 03 2004

Comedian Stefan Raab has put an end to Ralf Schumacher's plans to invest in a chain of Slovanian sex shops after he dubbed the German and his wife 'Porno-Ralle' and 'Hard Cora'.


The Toyota driver has announced that he'd be investing in the Austrian branch of Beate Uhse, a German erotic products company, as a "a silent partner." Ralf's $2.6 million would be used to open eight sex shops in Slovenia and Croatia.


"For me, it's just like any other investment," he told Bild.


But the 29-year-old has now decided to withdraw from the venture after German comedian Raab made jokes about his unusual investment.


"It's become a campaign against me. My role as an example to others is more important than any money," Ralf told the German newspaper.


"What Stefan Raab has done with my name and that of my wife was far too personal. I have a son to think of."


Meanwhile Willi Weber, the manager to the two Schumacher brothers, has revealed that Ralf will be suing Raab, as his jokes meant the end of his plans to invest in the erotic empire.


"Raab went too far, he has damaged the Schumacher honour," Weber commented.

[dalyduo]

So sue the comedian!?

Oh yeah... The lawsuit is all about restoring the family honour... right.
Lets organize a telethon...

Don't you think Ralf might have thought about the family honour before making the "investment" in porn toys?

Ralf would appear to be both slower and thinner skinned than Michael.

[birkmama]

DD - which Michael exactly are you refering to, I am confused.

[dalyduo]

Hhhmm... I was thinking of his brother Michael...
Which other Michael's were confusing you?
(Or perhaps I'm simply completely missing your irony :-)

[cdh]

Originally Posted by dalyduo

Hhhmm... I was thinking of his brother Michael...
Which other Michael's were confusing you?
(Or perhaps I'm simply completely missing your irony :-)

http://www.teamjuicyracing.com/pics/...etitionmja.jpg

[dalyduo]

Ahhh.... The picture worth a thousand words!
Thanks for clearing things up Doug! Big LOL

[birkmama]

Originally Posted by cdh

http://www.teamjuicyracing.com/pics/...etitionmja.jpg

Very interesting take on thin skinned.

[cdh]

Originally Posted by birkmama

Very interesting take on thin skinned.

I hope you are referring to the lack of 'skin' on the R/T mama

MJA, you understand I am in an image supplier capacity only,

the content of the posts is from other sources........





.

[MJAmok]

It's ok... I'm taking shots left and right this week!

Actually, come to think of it... it started with you saying I "was a pain in the ass" at F1 Boston!

Don't worry, your day will come...

[cdh]

Originally Posted by MJAmok

It's ok... I'm taking shots left and right this week!

Actually, come to think of it... it started with you saying I "was a pain in the ass" at F1 Boston!

Don't worry, your day will come...

who made that comment? Getting lost in this thread

[birkmama]

MJ I am inclined to give you a pointer on how too quote, so that CDH can navigate more easily. However, since someone established the thin skin in this thread I do not how to do it without running the risk of being misperceived at shoting at you.

What should I do?

Anyone: if you want to refer to a specific posting, go to that posting, hit the"quote" button and the delete everything between 'quote'and '/quote' that is irrelevant and you can save yourself a lot of work...

[MJAmok]

No need to quote if the response directly follows the post to which it refers!

The PITA comment was made by CDH!

[sydude]

Ralf's business plans made Schu 'furious'

Monday December 06 2004

One person who won't be upset to hear that Ralf Schumacher has scrapped his plans to invest in a chain of sex shops is his brother Michael, who was reportedly unimpressed with his brother's latest business venture.


Ralf had wanted to invest £1.3million into expanding Europe's largest sex shop chain, Beate Uhse, with the aim being to open eight new shops in Slovenia next year. However, he scrapped the idea after German comedian Stefan Raab dubbed him 'Porn Ralf' and his wife Cora, 'Hard Cora'.


And although Ralf wasn't at all happy about having to pulling out of the business venture, his brother Michael was grateful that he did.


According to reports in the British press, Michael had a huge bust-up with his younger brother when he first heard the news of the investment and refused to speak to him afterwards.


A source told Offside: "Michael was so furious with his brother when he heard about this."


"Ralf sees it as a good investment opportunity and was intending to keep a low profile but it has all come out."


"Michael has worked hard at building up the value of the Schumacher name and it is not an association he wants right now."


However, Schumacher's spokesman has denied reports of a bust-up, saying: "Michael knows nothing about this yet. He has been on holiday."

[sydude]

Here's one about Kimi that fits right into this thread:

-----From F1Live----

Raikkonen's party is not over
The Finn's drinking continues in U.K.

British tabloid The People reported a story about Kimi Raikkonen and another drinking session in a London club. The McLaren driver and his friends supposedly spent more than 7000 Euros on drinks and erotic dancers.

Apparently, Raikkonen's reaction to the show was so obscene that he shocked both the personnel and the other customers of the club.

The Manager of the club was called to the rescue and couldn't believe what he saw: "I was gobsmacked. I thought I'd seen most things in the lap dancing game but when I saw one of the world's top racing drivers sprawled there with his trousers undone I couldn't believe it," said the club manager to The People.

"I was working downstairs and got a call there was a problem. I raced up and at first I thought there was nothing wrong. Then I looked again and Kimi's hand was there on his crotch with his trousers undone and his body exposed. I shouted 'What the hell are you doing, get out now' but he waved me away," added the manager.

"Fortunately it was nearly the end of the night and the house lights came on. I sent away the two girls and managed to get his group downstairs. It was too much. He was drunk as a skunk and didn't care who saw what was going on."

Raikkonen - nicknamed 'Iceman' - is apparently not too worried about his image. "It doesn't matter how famous he is, it doesn't excuse his shocking behaviour," said the London club manager.

Contacted by the British tabloid, the manager of the Finnish driver - Steve Robertson - denied knowing about the situation. A close friend of the driver claims that Raikkonen is not at fault: "It's not appropriate for an F1 driver to speak to a newspaper about something like this especially on a Saturday afternoon when he is off duty."

[MJAmok]

So, Kimi is Polishing the Bishop in public, huh?! Who does he think he is, Pee Wee Herman?!

[cdh]

Originally Posted by MJAmok

So, Kimi is Polishing the Bishop in public, huh?! Who does he think he is, Pee Wee Herman?!

Well, I couldn't let this opportunity go by.......

.

[MJAmok]

Terrific!


ok Doug... try this...

So, Kimi is Waxing the Dolphin in public, huh?! Who does he think he is, Jacques Cousteau?!

[kwlorentzen]

Originally Posted by sydude

Here's one about Kimi that fits right into this thread:

Contacted by the British tabloid, the manager of the Finnish driver - Steve Robertson - denied knowing about the situation. A close friend of the driver claims that Raikkonen is not at fault: "It's not appropriate for an F1 driver to speak to a newspaper about something like this especially on a Saturday afternoon when he is off duty."

Of course he's at fault! Intoxicated or not you're responsible for your actions.

This thread is halarious!

[badgersid]

let he be without sin cast the first stone.

[MJAmok]

And he with sin keep touching his stones!

[dalyduo]

After you’ve finished casting and touching... Bob Dylan has this final musical note on the subject, for those of a certain age. (If you know the raucous melody that accompanies this tune, you are of that certain age. :-)

Everybody Must Get Stoned

Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home.
Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone ya when you're walkin' 'long the street.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to keep your seat.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' on the floor.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' to the door.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

They'll stone ya when you're at the breakfast table.
They'll stone ya when you are young and able.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to make a buck.
They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "good luck."
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end.
Then they'll stone you and then they'll come back again.
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car.
They'll stone you when you're playing your guitar.
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you when you walk all alone.
They'll stone you when you are walking home.
They'll stone you and then say you are brave.
They'll stone you when you are set down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

[sydude]

I just found a pretty wacky F1 website based on COMIC STRIP STRIPPERS!

Here's the first one I saw - it fits perfectly in this thread!



And here's the link to the site. Well worth checking out:

http://www.pitsmoezen.com/eindex.html